wrigley field is MILF paradise
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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