is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
