i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
