I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
