3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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