he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
