guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize