i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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