i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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