I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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