He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize