We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
