I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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