i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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