I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
