you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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