video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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