we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
