i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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