I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
