Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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