dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this will be a night to untag.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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