Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
