My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
