does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
