my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
