You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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