there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
