I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
