And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize