just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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