If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
