I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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