Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
