how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
