I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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