I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize