nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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