I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize