RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
