I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
