I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
