Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
