If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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