grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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