your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want to be your penis for a week.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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