Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
