i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm bleeding and have questions
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize