if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
