clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
