My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
