you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
