So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
