see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
