Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
