I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
