woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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