I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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