Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize