oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
