And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
