Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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