sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do vagina's smell?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
