Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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