the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize