Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
