eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize