so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
