1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
