What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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