I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
