Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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