i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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