i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
