Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
