508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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