dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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