Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that's an acceptable place to lick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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