whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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