No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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