Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize