and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
