woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
