First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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