i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
