Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
tell me about the eggs
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
