Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
