the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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