Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize