Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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