She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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