Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
