I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
