But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
