I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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