flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
