There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
