my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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