I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
