It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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