I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize