summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
