I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
