I want to stick my p in your. b.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
